Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Now THIS is Funny!

I just happened to stumble upon this blog at Town This is part of an essay written by a man who calls himself Jimmy Carter, and he seeks to overthrow the government in Austin, and install his own regime.

Mr. Carter writes:
My fellow Texans...

My associates and I have come to the conclusion that we here need a change of pace. Therefore, I have developed a plan for taking over the hands of government in Austin and installing my dictatorship.

Why a dictator you ask? First and foremost I think it is the funniest word in the English language. Just try to seperate the first syllable from the second two and keep from laughing. Second, less beauracracy.

First order of business will be to secede from the United States and once again become a Nation of our Own.

As a new and Independent Nation I will immediately declare War on Oklahoma. As all Texans know we have special genes that make us hate all things Oklahoma. After having conquered Ok. we will then have breakfast.
Oklahomans will be made to wear a pink bonnet, shorts, black socks, and sandals when visiting Texas so as to be easily identified and avoided.
The joke that every Texan learns first:
Why doesn't Texas float off into the Gulf of Mexico?
Because Oklahoma SUCKS!!

Oklahoma will be given to the first person who brings me a keg of beer, a "log" of Copenhagen, and a new, bright and shiny, brass cuspidor.

Speed limits will be abolished. On the interstate, if you are passing someone on the righthand side you are allowed one free shot at the tires of said passey for driving too slow in the left lane. There will be no "Special" parking designations, if you can drive you can park at the back of the lot at Wal-mart next to me.

Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys will be the official band of Texas. It will be illegal to hurt, injure, kill, mock, or insult any member or any of their work.

President Roanld Wilson Reagan will replace fdr on the dime. We will mint a special coin with the likeness of John Wayne on the front and the back will contain the "Canon of San Jacinto" with its motto "Come and Get It!" This coins' worth will equate to exactly the purchase price for a case of beer. While making a "beer run," it would be convenient to simply toss the clerk a coin and not wait in line.

It will be legal to treat abortionists with the same care and consideration that they give to a Mother's child.

Vegetatians will be rounded up and dropped over California at 15,000 feet.

I love this guy. Read the rest of the essay here. It's definitely worth the read!


Blogger linearthinker said...

Ever notice the food in OK?

I swear "haute cuisine" there must translate to "keep the ketchup in the fridge over nite."

Warning to travellers: Pack big box lunches when traversing OK.

And we mussent forget the migration of errant Texas Democrats who sought refuge in OK. It's said in happier places that when their bus crossed the state line, it raised the IQ in both TX and OK.

I'm a Cornhusker, btw.

4:44 PM  

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